Rajni Rocks !!

Got this in my mail a couple of days ago.....hilarious !!

A few facts you should know before you die

• Rajnikant makes onions cry.Rajnikant can delete the Recycling Bin.
• Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikant killing people faster than Death can process them.
• Rajnikant can build a snowman… out of rain.
• Rajnikant can strangle you… with a cordless phone.
• Rajnikant can drown a fish.
• Rajnikant can play the violin... with a piano.
• When Rajnikant enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on… he turns the dark off.
• Rajnikant once had a heart attack… his heart lost.
• Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajnikant can throw Brett Favre even further.
• The last digit of pi is Rajnikant. He is the end of all things.
• Bullets dodge Rajnikant.
• Rajnikant's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Noone fools Rajnikant.
• If you spell Rajnikant wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajnikant?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
• Rajnikant can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Once a cobra bit Rajnikant's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
• Rajnikant can kill two stones with one bird.
• Rajnikant was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikant was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Rajnikant can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• Rajnikant once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!".In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikant could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Rajnikant destroyed the periodic table, because Rajnikant only recognizes the element of surprise.
• The square root of Rajnikant is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikant,the result is death.

The Fallen Tomato Cart

Came across this interesting article ....authored by Subroto Bagchi (founder of MindTree Consulting)

I pass through this very intersection every morning with so much ease. Today, the pace is skewed. There is a sense of disarray as motorists try to push past each other through the traffic light. The light here always tests their agility because if you miss the green, you have to wait for another three minutes before it lets you go past again. Those three minutes become eternity for an otherwise time-insensitive nation on the move. Today, there is a sense of chaos here. People are honking, skirting each other and rushing past. I look out of my window to seek the reason. It is not difficult to find because it is lying strewn all over the place.
A tomato seller’s cart has overturned. There are tomatoes everywhere and the rushing motorists are making pulp of it. The man is trying to get his cart back on its four rickety wheels and a few passersby are picking up what they can in an attempt to save him total loss. Though symbolic in the larger scheme of things, it is not a substantive gesture. His business for the day is over.
The way this man’s economics works is very simple. There is a money lender who lends him money for just one day, at an interest rate of Rs 10 per day per Rs 100 lent. With the money, he wakes up at 4 am to go to the wholesale market for vegetables. He returns, pushing his cart a good five miles, and by 7 am when the locality wakes up, he is ready to sell his day’s merchandise. By the end of the morning, some of it remains unsold. This his wife sells by the afternoon and takes home the remainder, which becomes part of his meal. With the day’s proceeds, he returns the interest to the money lender and goes back to the routine the next day.
If he does not sell for a day, his chain breaks.
Where does he go from here? He goes back to the money lender, raises capital at an even more penal interest and gets back on his feet. This is not the only time that destiny has upset his tomato cart. This happens to him at least six times every year. Once he returned with a loaded cart of ripe tomatoes and it rained heavily for the next three days. No one came to the market and his stock rotted in front of his own eyes. Another time, instead of the weather, it was a political rally that snowballed into a confrontation between two rival groups and the locality closed down. And he is not alone in this game of extraneous factors that seize not only his business but also his life. He sees this happen to the “gol-gappa” seller, the peanut seller and the “vada pao” seller all the time. When their product does not sell, it just turns soggy. Sometimes they eat some of it. But how much of that stuff can you eat by yourself? So, they just give away some and there is always that one time when they have to simply throw it away.


Away from the street-vendor selling perishable commodity with little or no life support system, the corporate world is an altogether different place. Here we have some of the most educated people in the country. We don the best garbs. We do not have to push carts; our carts push us. We have our salary, perquisites, bonuses, stock options, gratuities, pensions and our medical insurance and the group accident benefit schemes. Yet, all the while, we worry about our risks and think about our professional insecurity. We wonder, what would happen if the company shifted offices to another city? What would happen if the department closed down? What would happen if you were to take maternity leave and the temporary substitute delivered better work than you did? What would happen if the product line you are dealing with simply failed? In any of those eventualities, the worst that could happen would still be a lot less than having to see your cartful of tomatoes getting pulped under the screeching wheels of absolute strangers who have nothing personal against you.

All too often we exaggerate our risks. We keep justifying our professional concerns till they trap us in their vicious downward spiral. Devoid of education, sophisticated reasoning and any financial safety net, the man with the cart is often able to deal with life much better than many of us. Is it time to look out of the window, into the eyes of that man to ask him, where does he get it from? In his simple stoicism, is probably, our lost resilience.

Cellular

I saw this movie on cable - Cellular, the story is bout an average house wife, played by Kim Basinger ( yeah right, Kim average house wife!!) who is held hostage in her house and her only medium of contact is a random cell phone number...n blah blah blah.

I had a slightly different experience recently…..
Our Global Business Head (GBH) was in town . As usual, after a lengthy meeting in the morning I stepped out of my office for a smoke and was enjoying the view of the sea and warm breeze.
One of my buddy from Vegas had come in last night and I thought of finalizing the evening plan (we r pretty simple folks, plan = getting blind drunk).
This is what happened…

I Vs The cellphone

Dialed the number and pressed the call button on my phone.
(at the same time GBH called, n my cell phone connected him)

I: Hello
Cellphone: Hello

I: Yes sir, how was vegas ??
Cellphone: Hello (obviously confused)

I: So gr8 gambler, how were the nightclubs ?? u must have gambled a lot.
Cellphone: Hello…Divyadeep ??

I: (suddenly realizing what has happened)
I: no…wrong number…..

Thankfully….the guy had a sense of humor, and the department a good laugh.

Hitchhiker guide to the Western Line

The Mumbai local train system - broadly divided into Western, Central n Harbour line, is the lifeline of this city.The entire 'exercise' of commuting is an experience - sometimes good sometimes bad. Well i have been travelling for many moons (n rains) now and below is an account of one such day.

DD's log 0600 Hrs, Location - home
As usual got up at 6 ..yes in the morning (in good ol' Abad it used to be later...much later) anyway gettin up early is not because of the healthy habit learnt as a kid (early 2bed, early 2 rise...) rather it is linked to catching the local train on time (Skill developed-Discipline).

Now taking a local train to reach ur destinantion in Mumbai is not the task for the faint hearted...Certain "skill sets" are required, namely;

Past experience –
any work ex. in fields like WWF or even local "akhadas" is good.
Attitutude-
a person needs to be a go getter, ie. Wants to get in the train, no matter what.
Modest clothings-
wearing expensive cloths could prove to be a gamble as they can be torn, certain stains could miraculously appear, etc.
Flexibility –
Any time spent in circus as a trapeze artist comes handy, while dangling on ur fingure tips out of the door

DD's log 0700 Hrs, Location - At the platform

On the surface ppl while standing on the platform are pretty relaxed n normal. It is when the train is visible on the horizon, that the transformation from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde takes place.

Sign 1 - A commuters starts checking out the competition (huh, this guy-i can take him, that guy-i can easily beat him up) (Quality-suspect profiling/market potential).

Sign 2 - As the already crowded train is entering the platform, the innocent looking commuter suddenly starts lookin like Carl Lewis (P.T Usha was before my time) or that scene in coolie (ref- Amitabh Bachchan movie), they start warming up and are about to break into a sprint. Within second all the muscles of the body r tense n alert and ready to latch on to any opening that might be seen.

Twice every day u get to experience, how ppl on titanic must have felt...Absolute chaos - Every man for himself (in marathi-chala,chala).

A guy has to be on his toes and should step...sorry jump…no throw himself or at time scratch/claw his way inside the already jam packed train....(Quality –Agility – a skill that takes sports person years to master, can be learnt in one day on a Mumbai local).

Once inside u see that in a place, where 10 ppl could have comfortably stood at least 50 ppl are standing on their toes and still there is pressure as more ppl r clawing n trin to get in.

Once inside (phew!) , u do get a feeling of achievement - philosophical even - that dude Darwin was correct - Only the fittest survive.... n i m the fittest. All those years of drinking bournvita finally paid off. Those hrs. spent on watching Jackie Chang movies really did teach me a thing or to about dodging n quick moves (hey should go n watch the new movie, supposed to be a flop, but who cares as long as Mallika Sheravat is in it....if only Emraan Hasmi was in it too....thing might have heated up...) Aiila @#^?, teri @#@#, suddenly jolted back to reality as ppl r pushing u.
At any given point of the journey there are 8-10 ppl who are dangling (what monkeys do from a tree) at the door, these ppl now realise that the only thing between them n serious injury(due 2 falling off a train) is one finger by which they r holding on...they try n push inside hoping some centimeter or millimeter of space is created so that they can get a better grasp.

DD's log 0730 hrs, Location - In the train
Now in the train, u meet various creatures (homo sapiens??), they can be broadly classified into the following:

The Unagui (At perfect peace with oneself - ref: friends season 8) :
These type of ppl have a smile on their face n eyes closes as if in deep meditation. Either standing or sitting these guys are completely at peace with themselves. These guys are usually the pros. Have been commuting all their lives n hence shoves and blows make no difference to them.

The ostrich (try n cover the face)
These are the type who try n cover their faces against the wall, and don’t leave this position until the journey is over.

KP wannebees (usually Gujjus)
Now Mumbai has a significant Gujju population, n I have stayed in Gujarat for many years, the ppl there r very friendly and generally nice. But the ppl I see in train are loud, self opinionated and mainly work in the stock market.
How do I know that ?? cus it feels like the trading pit in the train, these ppl have an opinion on every thing !!! and the philosophy they follow is ‘have opinion will share(shout)’. N the way they discuss the business houses, u might be mistaken in believing that Ambani’s, Tata’s, Birla’s are their best friends, or that they are the strategic consultant’s to them.

The fresher (don’t know watz happening):
These guys are usually the fist timers and have no idea watz happening around them, have look that this could be their last day on earth…can be easily identified…are all red, sweating and keep asking which is the next station

Danglers:
These are the guys that prefer to hang outside, than to get in..they r a huge obstacle to both ppl gettin in n out. Their argument is that they get a nice breeze and have more fun...now these guys r the younger version of the pros. discussed earlier...amateurs should not try this.

Others
These consist of ppl like me no-particular attributes,
Holy men - keep chanting through out the journey (Dont know if its to ward of spirits or for the journey to end or for reaching their destination safely. Usually scary lookin with long beards, hence never asked) anyway they have the full band (makeshift instruments) n hence can be clearly heard across the train.
and many others.

I’ll spare the details but like those detergent before and after commercial, ur nice arrow shirt that was pressed by the good ol' dhobi is completely crumpled up.. n ur bosses who has a merc n does’nt know train travel gives u wierd looks.

DD's log 0815 hrs, Location - Churchgate station
The quest does not end…..there is another Q at the churchgate station, however its share-a-cab n enough space to sit, hence no cribbing here. Also the ppl behave in a decent manner here (u see we r on road, so the titanic syndrome is absent here)

Part II

DD's log 02030 hrs, Location - Churchgate station
On the way back its a different story, The train stars from churchgate n hence r are empty.
Empty !!! well just for a few seconds before it comes to a halt at the platform.
Kindly refer the above mentioned transformation process (Jekyll to Carl Lewis)......
The earlier approach was more of a Steve Austin (Highly respected WWF wrestler)- the evening requires some mental work.

As soon as a person is in the train, he quickly - within 1/10 of a second - takes a count of the available seats ( 1 near the window - 2 meters, 3 near the aisl - 4 meters,...) and calculates the probability of his getting the seat, i guess the formula used is -
Speed = Distance/Time
or at times the concept of relative speed vis-à-vis other commuters is used.
Anyway all this is happens very fast as there are hundreds of other ppl pushing behind him, tiring (wrestling) to get inside. so u take a decision (Quality-quick decision making, physical strength, mathematical prowess) and lunge for a seat, if u r lucky u get it, if not tommorow is another day....

let me share a secret -
Contrary to as shiwn in those hindi movies, where the hero comes to Mumbai with a big grin and a suitcase in his hand...... it is not the smile of joy, rather a sight of relief that he has finally made it through the ordeal and is leaving the station in one piece.

Another brick in the wall

Some how the excitement, the anticipation, the celeb-a-tory emotion of a Birthday is just not there anymore....
Earlier, in school it used to be a big event..cakes, chocolates..
then in college it was goin out, havin a party, going dancing, etc...it used to be a big event , probably the biggest day of the year....something to wait for....something to look forward to.

But nowadays, i wonder if that b'day has lost its charm. The feelin i get is less of an "Archie" and more of an "Garfield" (Groan' another year gone by.)

The biggest lament is the lack of excitement.... could it be the process of growin up ??
As a grown up i can go parting, drinking any day of the year..

Anyway this year too, thaere was no significant exitement, had no special planz on my b'day.
but i was in for a surprise !!...couple of my old buddyz happen to be in town that day.... and an imprompto meeting turned into one wild nite.
Hence,
old' buddys (+) meeting after a long time (+) in same town (+) (=) One Rockin nite
;-)

After another loong day, was leaving for home when i got a call... and within seconds we had set up the time/place and location for the evening (guyz r pretty uncomplicated-any place that serves booze is a gr8 place) ......i'll try n recollect what transpired that nite.
(in flashback mode)

Well, we met up around 10 pm, at Phoenix, had a quick strategy session in the parking lot and took an executive decision that our core competence is drinking n shaking booty on a dance floor..this is what we do best n we decided to stick with it...
So went to sports bar...they were having some happy hour on that day, i.e. - twice the booze.
after couple of hrs in a happy(hour) kind of an environment, the rest of the night is kind of a blurr..
i do remenber laughin a lot...drinking a lot.... earlier we had 2 cars on the way back i m sure we all were in one car (hey, what happ. to sumeet's car ??) anyway, as we stumbled back, had another (dash) board meeting regarding our next course of action...
again dont remember much...but our friend from Punjab volunteered to drive (aggresively snatched the car keys and declared he will dive...peroid.) anyway he has many years of experience in drinkin n driving (cars, vans,tractors,etc) so it was ok.

We were feelin kinda hungry hence like our ancestors we left our cave (parking lot) and went searching for food in the mean and dark jungle (streets of Mumbai). Our journey took us through many a mountains(flyovers) and the sea (marine drive) .....bzzz bzzz next thing i remember is eatin something delicious at Bade miya...i do remember driving around my office bldg. at round 3:40 am, doin something (no idea waht so ever)...n driving on marine drive...do recollect something bout a car chase (trouble with authorities ??) any way we met again near Phoenix and smoked something, n finally reaching home (in one piece).

The kind of fun a person has, is directly proportional to the kind of hangover that is felt the next day....needless to say had a HUGE hangover...so guess must have had a blast.

The anticipation, and other detailed planning for that special day might not have been there..but we did end up having a great time and me a Happy Birthday.